Friday, February 11, 2005

Of Debjit and Valedictory Paeans

Veteran journalist Debjit has left the organisation to continue in his quest for attaining Nirvana. He left the office discreetly, so that his fans would not prove to be an obstacle in his path. However, his decision to voluntarily suspend his idle hours with effect from November 13, 2004 evoked a mixed response.

Two trainees committed suicide by banging their heads against computer monitors. The positive fallout of this tragic event was that these computers have now started working properly. According to unidentified sources, the trainees could not contain their joy at the news of Debjit's departure and as a result got a trifle over-enthusiastic.

Some other colleagues reportedly partook of karela-ka-juice because the Chakraborty gyan sessions had now become history and they wanted to atone for the ways in which they had irritated their Dronacharya. Many observed a two-minute silence to honour the maestro who had already numbed their eardrums with his cacophonous chatter.

"I miss the sound of his voice. It always used to help me in concentrating in my work because I never paid any heed to his constant background drivel. But now that it's no longer there, the dead silence in the office frightens me," said one heart-broken trainee on condition of anonymity.

Among other veterans, there was a sense of frustration because their canteen refills would now remain uneaten as there was no threat of cross-border terrorism. The resulting wastage would earn them the curses of millions of starving Indians.

In fact, the canteen proprietor promptly burst into tears when contacted by this reporter. Apparently, he had recently ordered a fresh consignment of halwa to satisfy the hunger pangs of "Sir Debjit", and as a result of the uneaten dessert, had incurred a loss 2.5 times that of Namibia's GDP.

When contacted at his secret location 200 centimetres off Kasturba Gandhi Marg where a lowly beggar was busy admonishing him to "Keep Still", the Bengali babu downplayed the developments, and said there was no way he could be induced to return.

"Ki holo? Aami Okhanay Jaabe Naa. I will not rest until I find Nirvana," he said. "I am no longer into materialism and will soon be moving to London to suffer the hardships of staying in a posh, five-star hotel."

Well DC, although we are Green with envy at your leaving for Greener pastures with tens of thousands of more Green bills, we wish you all the very best for your new assignment. Our blessings and our curses (a minor amount) be with you always. Best of Luck.

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