Of Office Assignments and Carabao Buffaloes

It's been raining assignments the last month or so. While Rituparna flew down to freezing Ladakh to hobnob with the Army guys there, Annie was in Bangalore to report on a hospital for the mentally impaired.

Sumit barely got out of the plane for a dekko at the upcoming Hyderabad airport while Prashant chose to attend the ADB conference in Manila where - believe it or not - he milked a carabao buffalo.

In the new batch, David travelled to the dunes of Thar for a CSIF meet, Ritu Tripathi made it to the upper reaches of Uttaranchal for the Garhwal regiment's Raising Day celebrations and newbie trainee Krishna Kumar got the experience of his lifetime bidding farewell to MiG-25 spy planes in Bareilly.

Of Simple Diets and Foodie Pleasures

In contrast to her otherwise feisty self, Parul Sharma is a very boring person when it comes to food. 'Give me dal-roti and I am happy' is her constant refrain.

Not for her the sinful temptations of a Hot Chocolate Fudge or other epicurean delights.

Although we doubt her fussiness has anything to do with a strict diet (considering she's thin as a rake), we urge Parul to let her palate do the talking and experience the pleasures of being a foodie.

Of Goan Holidays and Non-Veg Dishes

Swaty Prakash is just back from her sizzling Goa trip which included among other delights the thrills of parasailing, jet-skiing and the usual rounds of getting suntanned on India's most famous beaches.

Swaty admits that the trip brought out the carnivore in her - as she dug into generous helpings of squid, prawn, fish, chicken and the works. And lobster? Well, it was overpriced so the Bihari lass gave it a miss.

We didn't dare ask her how many bottles of feni she downed with hubby Manas but the couple obviously lived life to its fullest.

And what's more! Delhi welcomed Swaty back with a new job. She's just been taken in by the Prentice Hall of India to take care of their editing department and liaise with authors.

Of Pune Dailies and New Paths

Guess who else is treading new paths? Maharashtrian damsel Ambika Pendharkar has joined Pune Herald, an English publication under the Sakal group.

And what made her leave the hallowed portals of the Times of India in Mumbai? Apparently TOI was not giving Ambika any mainstream reporting opportunities which made her try her luck elsewhere.

Of Dravidian Maidens and Icecream Bans

Icecream vendors in and around Connaught Place are up in arms after Aparna Nair announced her decision never to ever eat icecreams again.

And before you clutch your heart and spill your morning cuppa, let me tell you the sacrifice doesn't stem from an innate desire to torture herself.

The Dravidian maiden just feels she's been having one too many of the sugary delights. We appeal to Ms Nair to consider the plight of the poor vendors and reconsider her decision.

Of the Yo Man who got his Quick Fix

(This article on Vijay Thapa was submitted by a colleague and has been published on condition of anonymity)

With porcupine hair and a 'yo man' attitude that could give Fido Dido a run for his money, this senor's repertoire of stories never seems to end.

Even boring shifts can perk up in the company of our man from Meerut.

Perpetually "harrassed, harangued and hassled," each day is a racy thriller, a whodunit or a 'laugh until you cry' for this bachelor with the curiously 'propah' British accent.

And his love affair with the office telephone... Be it conducting deals for raising money to buy a house, vigorously hunting for a buyer for his rifle, carrying out mega arguments with his mother - everything under the sun is done with a little help from Alexander Graham Bell.

The debonair dude recently had a close encounter with - Glue!

On Holi, our man was in the midst of spring cleaning when he discovered that his index finger refused to part company with his middle finger.

Contrary to his belief, Vijay Thapa found that Feviquick or Superstick or some other adhesive he was working with was indeed capable of sticking his digits together.

When the Doubting Thomas in him was convinced of his stuck state, he endeavoured to undo the damage.

First he tried kerosene. He dips his hand in the fuel but to no avail. The metacarpals of his hand refuse to give up. He pours ether, the liguid used to clean tape-recorder heads, and tries to bring his hand near a flame. Nothing!

It's only after his panic level reached a new high, that Thapa hit upon the solution - Brasso, which finally does the trick and disentangles his fingers.

And what about the time he turned up two hours late for office. Thapa says he forgot to refill his bike's fuel tank and was stranded midway on the flyover leading to Noida. Our hero was resigned to pushing his machine over a long long way when suddenly a scooterist offers him a can of petrol.

Whoa! A true good samaritan there. Music for the senor's ears who couldn't believe his luck. Man and machine soon found themselves zooming off to office where Thapa waxed eloqent on the inherent goodness of human beings.

Of Canteen Boys and Flashbacks

Many have wondered why Vinod is so good to the canteen boys. Unlike other colleagues, this Mallu dude never berates them or cribs about their service. Well, the mystery may have been solved.

It turns out that eons ago, Vinod's father owned two restaurants in God's own country (Kerala) and our dear Foreign Affairs expert used to occasionally serve at tables there.

Vinod had to put up with some ill-tempered patrons who revelled in finding fault, blissfully unaware that he was the son of the proprietor.

That experience was to remain with him all his life and taught him a valuable lesson - People who serve us in canteens are humans too, Treat them with respect.

Of Classicial Vocalists and Radio Sets

Not many know that Sumathi Chandrasekharan is an accomplished classical vocalist.

She hasn't had her arangettam - the first public performance - despite her guru's protestations because the diva feels she isn't ready for it.

Don't ask Sumathi to belt out some forgettable Bollywood ditty, the Mallu damsel rather prefers the sublime strains of Mahesh Dattani's Morning Raga.

Believe it or not, she even has Hindustani classical music on preset 1 on her World Space satellite radio set.

Of Marriage Pics and Pesky Photographers

Giving in to her mother's demands, Hanit Kaur finally agreed to get some glossy pics clicked for prospective Punjabi grooms.

But she had a run-in with the photographer who kept insisting she pose next to a pillar a la Bollywood sirens.

Hanit lost her temper and ticked him off proper. Fortunately for the photographer, matters did not take a serious turn and the Punjabi maiden later agreed to let her hair down (literally) for the photo-shoot.

Of Film Freaks and Suspicious Knives

Talk about being a film freak. Sunandita holds the unenviable distinction of having watched at least 30 movies in one week - during the Kolkata Film festival.

The Bong lass, who also holds a certificate in film appreciation, was recently "apprehended" with a pen-knife at PVR Plaza.

Despite her plea that "it was all a mistake" and she "was certainly not a terrorist," the manager was not convinced and Sunandita had to deposit her beloved pen-knife with authorities. What's more, she even had to go through the rigmarole of signing an undertaking just to get it back.

And what has Sunandita learned from the incident? She now meticulously checks her handbag for any weapons of mass destruction before venturing out on a film-watching spree.

Of Stolen Jewels and Tasty Parathas

Swaty Prakash didn't have a memorable trip to Patna after all. She and hubby Manas came back to find their Shipra Sun City flat burgled and jewellery worth 25,000 bucks missing.

But there was still a ray of sunshine. In his hurry, the burglar who rifled through their apartment failed to notice a separate packet kept behind the stolen stuff. And thus Swaty managed to salvage some jewellery and cash.

To hide her heavy heart, the Bihari dame is now practising her paratha making skills and forcing her creations down unwilling throats.

However, reports from the scene of the crime revealed that people partaking of her parathas were seen licking their lips and asking for second helpings.

Of TV Journos and Allegations

Now, you can get even more of Mriganka Dadwal. The IIT damsel recently became sole anchor for her TV show on Wednesday evenings.

Catch her showcasing the latest gizmos and accessories on Ab Ayega Mazaa which airs at 5.30 pm on Zee Business.

By the way, Mrigs has declared that this blog has degenerated to the level of the Page 3 supplement in a national daily.

Well, we beg to differ and if the Kanpur lass continues to compare us to that infernal publication, we promise to see her in court.

Of Holi and Eggless Escapades

Tomojit Bhattacharjee had quite an unholy introduction to the festival of Holi in the capital city. While waiting at the office bus stop, the Bengali lad was the target of hooligans seated in a Honda Accord.

The unruly youths, possibly under the influence of bhang, threw an egg at him. Fortunately, their aim was rather lame and the missile hit an innocent bystander squarely on the forehead.

We know you won't be interested in whether the poor guy used Surf Excel to remove the stains but Tomojit is certainly counting his blessings for an eggless escape.

Of Perfect Stories and Journos

Recently, the office canteen witnessed a unique event. Dining at the same table were Parul Sharma and Sukanya Mohapatra - the only two journalists whose work has been praised by our ombudsman editor Bhaskar Menon.

While a story edited by Sukanya last year was lauded as the perfect example of a news story, Parul was feted recently for her take on the lives of Delhi's sex workers.

And don't you dare suggest this is no big deal. After all, Menon has found only two exemplary stories worth mentioning after a year of pointing out mistakes in our files.

Of Picks From the Archives

Here's a selection from our Jan 2005 Archives.
Ever wonder why in the mornings, newspapers in the 'newspaper room' appear crumpled and smell like they have spent the night with a tramp on 'Mud' Island. Read on

Of Newbie Trainees and False Alarms

You are dead wrong if you thought only we churned out gaffes day in, day out.

A little birdie told us of this incident that happened in the Hindi section recently. A newbie trainee was translating a story about a case wherein the victim raised an alarm when a man attempted to rape her.

Unfortunately, what came out was something like this -

'The woman pressed the alarm clock when the man tried to rape her.'

Talk about time trouble.

Of Forgotten Friends and Birthdays Remembered

We once had a Mallu colleague by the name of Salu,
Whither he vanished, we still haven't a clue,
Last heard, the dude was somewhere in the UK,
Anyways, on your birthday, we remember you.

Indeed, we remembered you on your birthday today. We have no idea if you are still reading our news updates. Our phone calls and emails have gone unrequited. But Salu T J, wherever you are, we wish you all the very best.

Of Amoebiasis and Rang De Basanti

BBC gal Upasana Bhat is going great guns. With four bylines already, the Kashmiri lass is creating waves with her stories - the latest being the Rang de Basanti controversy.

She's just watched the Aamir Khan-starrer and found the denouement a tad too violent for her liking.

On the personal front, Upasana is recovering from a bout of amoebiasis. Hey UB, we wish you a rocking February.

Of River Rafting and Mount Everest

It is difficult to imagine Aparna Nair with safety harness et al perched precariously on a clifftop.

Well, she hasn't climbed Mount Everest yet but would love to do so if she got the chance. Aparna professes a love for trekking and in her own words has "done quite a lot of it".

And she's really jealous her younger brother is presently in Rishikesh having a go at river-rafting. Her lifetime ambition - trekking all the way to Kailash Mansoravar.

Of Secret Flings and Refused Assignments

Thud! That was the sound of six people hitting the ground in a dead faint. Shemin Joy had just refused an assignment. 'I am a bit busy today' was the excuse.

Later, the 'Breaking News' guy was spotted in a restaurant coochie-cooing with a girl.

Well, Shemin is not in Delhi right now. But when he comes back from Kerala, you better be prepared for the worst.